sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
