We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
