my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
