I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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