Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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