I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
