I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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