After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
