put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
