Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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