Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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