Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
