He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
