I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
