I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
