So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
