Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
