Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish you could order shots online.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
