I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
