You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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