i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
they need to just BURY HIM!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
