Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
