She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
