I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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