My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
