Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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