Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
