you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
