I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
