Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
