Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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