Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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