it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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