i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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