worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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