Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That's intense
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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