My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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