Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
