I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
