If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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