I hope mine doesn't look like that
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
