They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
