I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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