just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
