Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
