he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
