A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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