I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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