Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
