I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
