Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ladies don't puke and tell
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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