I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
