I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she pinky promised me she was 18
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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